A Series Of Unfortunate Coincidences.

Prophetic lust; the solemn way we dream of touch.. Lay low in absentia.
Faith blinded trust; the lonely ache to believe to much.. Lay low in absentia.
Constructing pearls from the sand, designed by some soveriegn hand..
and as if by quaint demand, we say.. keep this a secret, my friend.
Words traverse miles; notes sparking unseen smiles.. Lay low in absentia.
Misread and filed; fiction is best left to a child.. Lay low in absentia.
We find such provoking schemes, hatched in lucid dreams..
Fate's resewn the seams, and only a fool knows what it means..
To lay low in absentia.

Not that I think anyone reads this anymore, but I'm thinking about redoing my livejournal account. starting to write again, switch to a new name, and then creating a seperate account for my writing projects. So then there will be.. myself and my work.. depending on what you'd rather read.. but. like I said. I don't think anyone reads this anymore. so this is really more a post for me.

This is a note.. to everyone and anyone I've lost.. I'm sorry.. I know I'm prone to do that.. in the tendancy and bad habit I have of forgetfullness, cowardice, disinterest, lack of focus... This is a note to all the people who I pretended I forgot, none of whom I've actually forgotten, I still know your names and faces, things you said, thoughts we shared.. and if any of you happen to read this.. I want you all to know. I'm coming for you, I'm looking for you, because I remember.. and I may or may not find you.. but I'll just try and see what I get...

Callously, I've raised my hand, I demand attention, To strike up the band..
And to strike a match.. a flame that lasts: cauterize, and don't look back..
Forget no-one, leave no memory undone.. don't ask if I cared, if I loved anyone?
If my songs stay unsung, my wars left unwon. If the pictures I burned, are the same ones once hung...
Sleeplessly, each dream is sent. of lovers like candles, bright flames now spent..
So in your heart: REPENT! For every discrepancy, every last resent!
Everything you despise, which tears at your eyes. Carelessly closed, never wet, always dry..
Always placing a bet, never folding, always set. Transactional souls, which can't be reset..
Our lives are refined, carefully shuffled; defined. Moving ever forward, they never rewind.
The past trails behind us, clever shackles to bind us. To continue untethered, we do what we must..
We file our memories, and plant our seeds. Set fire to bridges, level our family trees..
And within ourselves stay sealed, carefully concealed. To remain ever guarded, for old wounds must heal..

where did everything and everyone go. and the time.. oh what happened to the time.

what was. isn't anymore. goodbye.

This is Cancer; cut it out.
lock lock.

When you are speaking, you are forgetting to breath.

We were burning bridges... why not torch the whole fucking city.

It reads just like a bible, it's all a matter of how you interpret it.

A snake once told me; "it's better to live a vicious lie, than a pathetic truth."

I wonder what I've been looking through my black eyes, or my black lungs.

I got a postcard recently.
I wondered where myself had been.

I was prolly laying upside down in a tree. With broken branches, in the fall. I was writing letters on paper with broken lines. There were only imaginary recipients. I recieved letters because I am a ghost. I was writing back. Time cannot deminish the potency of ink, which tastes like a drag off a cigarette your lover was smoking. You were raining. I curled up and shivered.. and like the wind, I expect I might always feel you on my face.... sunshine.

I am the reverberation of a content sigh.

I saw Azure Ray on friday, it was beautiful. I have to express my deep affinity for the simplistic beauty of their stuff.
I'm doing projects around the house all week.
I need to make an X-mas list.
I met a nice girl named Audrey tonight, she's moving to austin in a few weeks.
I have an SAT on sat.
I need an LJ code for someone I know.
I'm working on covering an LPD song.
The End.

Just a random thought, if anyone else was friends with the TheSkyFellApart, and has her email address, could you please share it with me. She has deleted her journal.

And now 15 thoughts from my day:
-The only reason I sleep all day, is because there is nothing to get up and do.
-I need a job, but am too intimidated by jobhunting to overcome my procrastinatory habits and look for one.
-I still want to make beautiful music, and refuse to believe I have already exerted all my talent, I just need a catalyst or something in my life, to get me on my way to the next big thing.
-I wish I hadn't missed the show tonight.
-I think the idea of having a girlfriend again someday is novel, if that day was soon, that'd be even more novel.
-I haven't fullheartedly cared about anyone in 4 years... don't be offended by that.
-I think maybe it's this place that brings me down.
-I would love it if someone would burn me some new cd's... thing included that I know I want: Neutral Milk Hotel, The Decemberist, Modest Mouse, Clinic.
-I need someone with an ebay account and digital camera to help me sell things.. so I can buy other things.
-I 'do' miss my friends, I just can't afford to drive to see them right now.
-I think I completely forgot about my writing.
-I realize now that I've become more reckless in the way I live, I admit it can be exhilirating for me, I've become bored with the way things have been... and recently when I was lying in bed after a night of being drunk.. or smoking a cigarette as I do every week or so, I think oh how things have changed. And I don't want to hear your criticisms.
-The more and more I look at things, the stories I hear, the things I witness. I become more discontent with humanity. I wonder when things got this fucked up. I try to imagine how they weren't always ilke this.. It's hard, and I'm cynical. But I have reason to be.
-Which brings me to the thought: I am frustrated with kids who haven't had it as hard as I have. I think some people think I've lived a spoiled life, and I was for a while, but if you take that viewpoint, you know nothing about me... and I feel unapologetic saying so. I feel frustrated with kids who are on a free ride in college, eating out everyday, not paying for their own car, and act as if they deserve it. I also think that some people who I know who've lived sheltered lives lack a certain ammount of emotional depth because of it.. I figure it must be nice to exist with that percent of naivety, cause I remember it being nice.
These probably being the same people I can't see eye to eye artisticly with, because they just want to have fun, and instead trying to patch up wounds. It's not that neither of us have the wrong intention, they just don't work congruently I've found.
-I know that to make most the changes that need to be made will require to things.. oppurtunity, and a leap of faith on my part. I must remember to remind myself constantly to take chances, because there is always less to lose and more to be gained.

That turned out longer than I thought it would, and I'd like to apologize now if I came off a little bitter. But... I am. The End

In one sense. I'm back to wasting my life away, killing time day by day. I get the feeling sometimes that this is the ultimate truth to life. I'd like to think there's a way of existing a little more productively.. I just haven't found the way in.

Secondarily, I find I have a short fuse lately, and find myself annoyed with people and things for.. no reason really. It's kinda disconcerting. Though I haven't really shown it.

Thrid, I am irritated with most the musicians I know. It seems like no one is really serious about music, and I don't mean in the sense of taking the time and effort to make it. It just seems that maybe I'm cliche, and am the only one left who wants to make music with a little emotion, a deeper meaning, and for artistic purposes. Instead of just for the fun of it.. and that bothers me.
It may be cliche now to be deep or emotional or whatever, but it's how I came to know music before all these fads, and it's how I still believe in it, and how I want to create it. The End.

First off.... I slept 16 hours today. Why... I don't know. It was a complete accident... In other news:
I have high wants and hopes for this project, but I can't seem to get a start on it. It's like I completely forgot how to go about making music.
Which, I admit, is frustrating beyond all doubt.

PS) Yes I know you think of me alot, and have unsaid feeligns, and I wish I knew what to do or say about that... really.. I do.

PS PS) I need to sell something this weekend to have money for DCFC this tuesday. Also, if I could get ahold of a digicam and someone with an ebay account who can help me out.. I want to sell of old music equipment to help in my new projects.

THE END.